Deer Hunting

Interesting title for a June post don't you think? But deer hunting is the pressing issue at hand, nonetheless. I briefly considered "Why I Changed My Name and Took a One Way Flight To Aruba," but decided to go with the simpler, less emotionally charged introduction.
My father, the consummate buckmaster, has succeeded in his quest of securing a position for his son-in-law on a lease. Now, a lease is defined by Webster's as a contract by which one conveys real estate, equipment, or facilities for a specified term and for a specified rent. To the deer hunter it means they have been granted permission (for a sizable fee) to attempt the recovery of (often elusive, underpopulated) game from a small tract of (heavily hunted) wooded land. My dad, Lord bless him, has had this dream for many years. He has pursued it, nursed it, and now finally has brought it to fruition. This is HIS baby. The master, for his part, made the mistake of not telling him, firmly, "NO!" The first time it was brought up, and every time thereafter. He allowed his name to be put on the waiting list. He did not wish to disappoint his father-in-law, loves to be outdoors, and "does not mind deer hunting." I knew someday we would have to pay the piper, I just knew it.
So now, we are three weeks into the "great news" that the master has "made it" on to the lease. The master and I have had two fights about deer hunting. "I'm sorry, I must have misheard. You want to spend what on the latest in pop-up blinds?" Master spending money on deer hunting + Me after three weeks of slaving in the kitchen so we could save a few dollars on groceries=marital unrest. Our immediate family has surrendered one entire weekend to the pursuit of a bigger and better deer stand. This coming weekend, Dad "needs" the master for two full days to do some "work" at the lease. I (with two hours of assistance from my mother) will be expected to do the mail run, laundry, feed and care for five children and get them to church on Sunday. The logistics alone of this venture are enough to turn my stomach. And guess who has been left to plan the details? Do you suppose the men have, since it is their absence that is creating the chaos? Oh, no, no, no!
My mom and I began this morning to work out how all of this was going to happen. We had a fight.

ME: (as the voice of reason) This is not going to work.
MOM: I put up with much more when I was your age, yada, yada, yada....you need to let your sons bond, yada, yada....________ needs his time off, too yada, yada.....this is very important to your father....

O.K. mom, some points I would like to make:
1. I honestly did not remember that Dad was away hunting during all those family disasters (gas leak that almost exploded the house, wood burning stove bursting and sending burning logs across the living room, terrible sickness that afflicted us to the point we were praying to die, etc.), but I do recall that you were always mad as hell at him afterwards. AS YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN! I also cannot pull from my memory files any hobby, pleasure, pursuit or pastime of yours that required substantial funds, time, inconvenience, or sacrifice for the family. Because you have put up with the injustice for thirty years does not mean that I want to. Perhaps the answer here is not that we women suck it up, but that the men do.
2. Why can't the men "bond" while cleaning the gutters? What's wrong with swapping stories over the toilette that needs fixing? When I have woman "bonding" with the girls, we check out a chic-flick (from the library) and I paint their fingernails. Takes two hours--tops--and costs 1.00 for the whole Bon-Bon bottle. Or we bake--and then everyone takes part in sharing the treat.
3. You'd have me on that third point. You really would. John does need his time off. Except for that one little word, and it's the clincher: too.
4. Bingo. I think we have arrived at the root of the issue. It is important to Dad. He loves to hunt. It is his passion. Right now it is something that my husband "does not mind doing." His feelings toward deer hunting are ambivalent. Much the same as a kid feels after his first cigarette, or his first drink of beer. Dad is the hunting equivalent of a chain smoker or alcoholic. I don't really want to see the master develop the same addiction.

My arguements are all very good, quite sound, and will be generally ignored. And to think, we still have four months til opening weekend. Heaven help us!